I am trying, honest!

Just to make it absolutely clear, I am finding it difficult to keep most of my commitments right now, not just this blog.  I find it hard to concentrate on the routine things of life because I’m so preoccupied with a bunch of stuff.  And to make something else clear, the preoccupation is all about me, about the turmoil I mentioned last time.  Sure, I am concerned about Doug’s heart and the tests he will be having next week (pray for him, if that’s something you do, please).  But for me, the current mess is about me not about him, about things that are really the focus of this effort here.  So please, bear with me.  I am trying to sort out some thoughts, to make things at least clear enough to write.  And that’s a striggle.

Love, gail

Another snow day!

I mean enough is too much!  We really can manage without this additional 10 to 15 centimetres of the stuff.  I want it to go away.  Or I want us to go away.  Again.

Yesterday, I turned another page.  When I went to bed Monday night, I was 67 and when I got up Tuesday morning, I was 68.  If I look at it that way, then aging means nothing; it’s just another day passing on the calendar.  I’m no different today than I was yesterday or the day before.  Now, if I could internalize that stuff, I would be much better off.

I confess that I have been avoiding writing.  Sooner or later, I will have to deal with a bunch of stuff that is bugging me, regressive sorts of behaviour that I really don’t want to acknowledge much less confront.  I sound good these days, but I’ve always been good at hiding the inner turmoil, and this is no different.  I doubt that even Doug is aware of it, although he will be after this post. Perhaps the fact that I have actually started writing a bit will be the catalyst I need.  No promises.

I also must announce that dieting and birthdays don’t seem to go together well.  Nor do visits with family, although our lunch with niece Margaret and family was a delight.  Four-year old Meagan is a sweetie, seeming to enjoy getting to know her two great-uncles who spent a great deal of time making faces and playing peek-a-boo with her.  A good time was had by all, and while it is certainly possible to eat healthily at Swiss Chalet, I didn’t.  

On our trip (yes, the Travel Journal is in process), I discovered that I really could walk without falling down.  As soon as we are finished with the upcoming round of doctors’ visits and cardiac testing, I am going to walk every day.  If I have to go to the mall, I will.  But I WILL walk every day.  If Doug doesn’t want to walk with me, I will find a friend or walk alone.  For me, the latter is still a bit scary because of the fear of falling.  Walking on the ship is pretty much like the mall, although one can get outside on the ship, but there are always people around to help one up if falls occur.  This time on the trip, I used my cane when walking on our excursions to various exotic places and that provided some security, but again, there were always people around.  Using the cane when walking alone on London streets in my neighbourhood seems a bit wimpy to me.  But I WILL walk.

Now, I will go and cook lunch.



A quick note

Today, for the first time since we got home, I actually feel normal, or as close to others’ definition of normal as I ever get.  The routine of seeing Art, doing errands, coming home to laundry or meal preparation, etc., really helps.  This Saturday was extra special because Michael came to visit, and we spent a wonderful hour and a half catching up. And yesterday, Doug and I had a great talk with a friend from church who is doing some exciting stuff.  I am so blessed by my friends!

The rest of the day looks calm from this vantage point — it’s only 2:40  after all.  There’s actually a baseball game on TV so I think I will go and watch it.  More later…..

It’ 9:30 now, and the day is really winding down. Lovely supper with my Doug, one we cooked together. And the Blue Jays won! I know, I know, it’s only pre-reason, but perhaps there’s hope for the year. Tonight we lose an hour’s sleep, so I want to head to bed earlier than usual. Tomorrow will be busy with church at 9:30 and 6:30, and a surprise lunch with one of our Toronto nieces … hmmm: all three of them are Toronto nieces. This one, Margaret, has a 4-year old who is awfully sweet, so we’re looking forward to seeing all of them. Swiss Chalet for lunch!
Be well, my friends, and hug someone you love tonight.
Love, gail


Still not in the habit

Writing every day is not yet routine.  I find myself fractioned and distracted and really tired so despite my best intentions, I haven’t gotten back in the groove.  Don’t give up on me yet; I will get to the point of absolutely requiring that I write something here  daily.  It will be like breakfast or exercise (!) or breathing.  I’m just not there yet.  Tomorrow, routine coffee with brother Art, less than routine visit with dear Michael, final organization of income tax files and hopefully some time with trip pictures so that I can write the travel journal and my longish entry here describing another side of the trip.  So stick with me.

Love you all,


Remember me?

Hi Folks.

I’m the one who started this endeavour back in October.  It’s been a while since I last appeared (I almost wrote “since my last confession”).  We’ve been home from our trip for a couple of weeks and I am still adjusting to the reality of that.  I mean, really!  On February 20, we were walking around the downtown Farmers Market in Los Angeles in short sleeves and sun screen (and other clothes,  of course).  On February 22, we were trudging across a wind-swept parking lot in several layers of heavy coats, heading to the grocery store in London, Ontario.  The temperature of on the 20th was about 24 degrees celsius and on the 22nd, it was minus 24!  And now I promise not to mention the weather again this winter.

The other simple realities of homecoming – unpacking, laundry, finding places for new stuff, being upset about a broken gift – are mostly taken care of now.  Still, there are less mundane things to be done.  Doug has his consult with the cardiologist today  They are going to undertake some tests to try to determine the cause of his chest pain.  Those tests will be scheduled soon so the anxiety is still not gone.  In the meantime, he will continue to watch his stress levels, especially while exercising.  

Soon, I will get all the pictures we took uploaded to my computer (or is it downloaded) and then I can write both the travel journal and the blog from the trip.  While I didn’t write things every day, I did make lots of notes, so it should be an easy day’s work.  Right now, however, I am struggling a bit with the very thing that made me start the blog when I did.  I’ve been experiencing some odd physical symptoms and while I know there is a rational explanation for all of them, I am having trouble not creating a serious health crisis for myself.  What’s important for me is to figure out why all this is happening right now.  And of course, to stop myself from really making myself sick.

One thing is for sure.  My right hand is getting numb again.  Funny how that didn’t happen much when we were away.  Funny how it only happens when I use my right hand for extended periods of time.  Doesn’t have to be typing either since it happens when I prepare meals, darn socks, even iron clothes. So now, I stop typing and say good night.  I missed you when I was away.  Hope you’re all well.

Love, gail