I finally got around to framing some of the art I bought on the cruise. Cutting a quasi-mat out of acid-free paper proved to be very difficult, I guess because I have never been able to cut in a straight line. They’re done now and I feel like I am actually beginning to visualize how the wall will look when it starts to go up. It will begin with a most beautiful picture done by Doug’s late sister-in-law, Jill Dynan, the only piece of her work we will have hanging. I wish we had more.
My business really comes from working on the travel journal. My friend Vikki told me the other day that they still hadn’t sorted out their pictures from a trip to Australia and New Zealand, which I believe was 2 years ago! That made me feel better. Anyway, I can put in another half hour before supper and evening church. Tomorrow is haircuts and a drive to Aylmer. The weather forecast remains encouraging. And Peter and Roo had a great day for their race. They had agreed to run together and enjoy themselves and at 20 K, their times were identical. What I want to know is how running 30 K can be enjoyable??
So for now I’m saying goodbye and returning to the travel journal. Maybe tomorrow there will be a picture of a lake full of swans!
So, world. What is going on with this stupid weather? I had great hopes for today. Disappointed again. Try again tomorrow, please! Peter and Roo (and a bunch of other folks) are running Around the Bay in Hamilton. 30 kilometres. Sunny and coolish is the forecast. Do as promised, OK? And Monday too, since we’re going to see the swans at Aylmer where they stop on their way back up to the Artic.
The little guy’s team lost their semi-final game today. I think the adults — coaches, parents, grandparents, pseudo-grandparents — were more upset than most of the kids. They played a really good game and lost 1 to 0. They did finish first in their division with the best defensive stats in the entire league. Not bad for 7-year olds! Perhaps we could send some of them up to the Leafs who could really use the help.
I have nothing much else to say. I think I mentioned that I started a personal diary sort of thing to try to sort out the stuff in my head. I did so because I know it’s the right thing to do and because my friends Jennifer and Peter, among others, have urged me to. I didn’t write there today. I’m going to spend the evening with Doug, watching a movie.
There is actually grass outside, and some of it is green! As the mountain of dirty stuff recedes, interesting things emerge. A Sears catalogue lies over by the rose bush and remains unreachable because I will not climb through the snow. Luckily, it’s wrapped in plastic. The 4 solar lights that sometimes illuminate our sidewalk, bought for $1.99 each, are poking their heads through the snow, at least what’s left of their heads. Some of them have been decapitated by the weight of the once-white stuff or by the blade of the shovels that cleaned the sidewalk. The lilac bush and the hydrangea both seem bedraggled, but they will perk up, I’m sure. Perhaps spring might actually be here?
But then tomorrow morning is semi-final hockey, and I gotta be there to see the kids. Adam likely won’t notice although he did at the last game, and this time, his Uncle Doug will be there too!
We were out all morning and I’m really tired. My back aches, as do my shoulders. My neck seems to be objecting to a lot of things at the moment. But am I going to act the part of the limited old(er) person, crippled by arthritis, unable to function normally, needing everything done for her, having everyone shed sympathy all over her like some sort of healing shower? No, that would have been the old me. Gladly. ut not now! Of course, Doug is cooking dinner and I am sitting at the computer typing this. Real exertion, that! I will clean up, doing my part, but I can’t promise not to bitch and complain about things that hurt. Pain sucks.
Thanks again for reading. Can one of you explain “tags” to me and suggest some for this blog?
One of the marvellous things about teaching is that some of your students become friends. It’s happenend several times with me, and it is a continuing pleasure. Today, I had tea with one of them, a mature student from a long ago statisitics class. She used to commute from Sarnia for an 8:30 class, no matter what the weather or her personal life demands. I always found it quite amazing that she would show up when some of her younger classmates would use the flimsiest excuse to miss class. After a long hiatus in the US, she returned to London with her husband. Since then, we have met nearly monthly for tea. We have become great friends and I really enjoy these monthly get-tegethers.
I also had the opportunityto share a cup of tea (she had coffee) with another of the young people from church. She is a bit older, has a somewhat broader perspective on the world in a way that I can’t really define. Our hour-long conversation was filled with positives and was a wonderful way for me to start my day.
Not much else went on today. Run-of-the-mill. That’s just fine with me.
So good night to all.
I guess in the relief of the moment, I completely forgot to post the results of the long-awaited phone call from Doug’s cardiologist. On April 7, Doug will be having an angiogram, possibly followed by angioplasty and the insertion of a stent (just like Dick Cheney!). Given the fact that there seems to be no urgency on the part of the professionals, we are both relieved and ready to get on with our lives. A postive report from our financial planner has encouraged us to plan some more travel. We might as well take advantage of the good markets!
Had a great visit and lunch with Michael today. I am so proud of him, and now that his father has adopted me into the family, I can legitmately be a proud “aunt.” He is accomplishing so much and has yet to finish his training. He and his generation will make the world a better, safer place for the 19 and 20 year olds I have been spending time with recently.
The sun is shining but it remains darn cold and I am truly tired of it. Michael is convinced that Spring will arrive, limping, starting tomorrow. Because it is limping, it will take time to really get here. It’s just so hard to be patient! It’s supposed to be sunny and plus 10 on Monday, so we are planning to go to Aylmer to see some swans, an annual excusion for both them and us.
Get ready for spring, my friends. Honest1
Why is it that as I slowly manage to take the focus of my own health, I develop an excessive concern for Doug’s?
For more than 25 years, I have pressured Doug to be more open with his emotions, to share more, to communicate better. Why is it that I am so reluctant to tell him about the turmoil that is in my head now?
Finally, I am so thankful that I am married to a guy who can be just as silly as I am. It makes for wonderfully funny flights of fancy. What a blessing he is!
I am in a deep funk and have been for a few days. Not exactly sure what’s happening, other than the stresses involved in waiting for Doug’s cardiologist to call and in feeling like there are things to do that i have not yet done. And of course, the biggie that I haven’t even told you about. But then, you know all, don’t you. You know what seems to be tormenting me right now. Then there’s my sore neck. Oh well.
So it’s later and the funk is still with me. I had a visit with another of the young folks from church this morning and I wonder now how I ever thought I could be of any use with these kids. They are wonderful and delightful and some of them are totally screwed up. They look on me as some sort of benign grandparent, trying very hard not to disappointment me when I really want is for them to be honest with me. I make slow progress.
Nearly 5:30 and no call from the cardiologist. I would be jumping up and down and likely would have called him by now, but Doug is patiently (?) waiting. Tomorrow, we call.
Did I tell you I was unwilling to confront my own demons at the moment? I guess I must have. The turmoil is still going on in my head, but I am not yet willing to write any of it down. Whether it is for fear of ridicule when others read it, or for fear of my own reaction to reading it, I don’t know. Please, don’t think I am grappling with deep dark secrets of my checkered past. It’s nothing like that, honest. It’s simply a part of growing older and trying to come to grips with some very real fears that plague me.
I’m tired now. I don’t want to write any more today. By the way, after losing my battle with church goodies last night, I have had a good diet day. For a change.
The picture is of Adam not Peter!
In case anyone wondered, I assure you, we’re fine. There was some Thursday exhaustion after the Wednesday stress test for both of us. I don’t quite understand why I was so wrung out but I was. Doug’s heart rate refused to return to his normal 60 or so, staying up in the mid-80s for most of the day. It was still there Friday morning although some phone calls to various physicians led us to conclude that as long as there were no other symptoms, it was most likely a residual effect of the test. By this morning, it was down further, butstill not normal for him.
We also are a bit anxious to hear from the cardiologist so to learn the extent of the blockage. Should happen Monday.
Hockey at 8 this morning. Adam played a great game and the whole team was really awesome. They move into the A flight semis next Saturday and if they win then, it’s on to the finals! The assorted parents, grandparents and great-aunts had a wonderful time!
On Friday, I spent a couple of hours with a young friend from church. I just want to say that I wonder about these kids, how they will face a future in which they will be less well off than their parents, where science and technology may make their skills and training obsolete before they enter the job market, where science and medicine will combine to extend life beyond our wildest imaginings but where society itself has not kept pace to ensure that their quality of life matches its longevity. I pray that their resilience holds for the long haul.
And on that note, I must be off. Thanks to Peter for adopting me as a “sister.” I really must arrange to meet the rest of my adopted siblings!
Doug and i spent most of yesterday afternoon and pretty much all of today at University Hospital while things were done to him in the name of diagnostic medicine. He was injected with some sort of radioactive substance on both days, which interestingly enough, did not have him glowing in the dark. It did allow the folks in Nuclear Medicine to take a good luck at his heart and blood flow, both resting and when stressed. The preliminary results suggest a blockage of some coronary artery or arteries that supply blood to the bottom part of the heart muscle. The analysis of the pictures was not yet complete so we really don’t know the extent of the problem. What I do know is that the stress test was very difficult (the actual physical stress of riding an exercise bike is exacerbated by a drug), and Doug was quite wobbly when he emerged from it.
So now you know as much as we do, which is admittedly not mucch. It was comforting, however, to have a doctor come and speak to us, presumably so that now Doug will be cautious in his exercising. The final word will come from his cardiologist, probably next week.
I think I’ll go and play Scrabble with him now. I also think I will start wriiting more. Soon.