So I took a day off from here, no class to teach, great lunch with Michael and Doug. Came home after some shopping (groceries, not Christmas) and finished marking the quiz that the kids wrote during class. It should be a wake-up call for them.
But I still feel totally out of sorts. Like nothing is right with the world. The annoying thing is that I can’t figure out what is going on, why I feel this way. I suppose I am having that constant battle that has plagued me forever – my need to be in control. And right now, I’m not. I can’t manage the frustration that comes from not being able to make my simple technology work. Sure, it may be defective, but I don’t know that. All I know is that it won’t work. I am no longer able to deal with students who won’t try; my patience is non-existence. I used to be able to …
And maybe that’s the whole thing. Maybe I used to be able to but now I can’t. Here I go again, trying to figure out what’s normal and what’s not as one journeys along the road to where this one ends. It takes longer to prepare a meal; OK, I got that. I need a nap many days; I got that too. It’s harder to read the fine print; that will be fixed when my developing cataracts actually “mature” enough to justify surgery. Etc., etc., etc.,
This feeling I have today, and have had for a couple of days, is not fun. It is clearly made worse by the continuing dizziness and vision problems (blurring and shimmering problems, not fine print problems) and the ongoing search for balance between drug negative effects and benefits. I feel like all I have to hang on to is routine and Doug (and Michael in his context). If I let go of any of them, I’m convinced my world will spin completely out of control.
Which it won’t, of course. But tomorrow, after I do my weight loss report in the morning, I am going to get my hair cut, then take the keyboard back to the store and get a replacement. Then I am going to take some of the marking load off Michael’s plate, since he has a great deal of it, and a lot of other stuff to do as well (he is a PhD student after all). Doug is cooking lunch, supper is in the fridge, just waiting. I won’t do more blogging unless something good happens. Saturday will be good: coffee with my brother and then with a friend who has just had cataract surgery. After lunch, we’re off to watch a hockey game. Seven-year olds, including Adam, our great-nephew. I’ll tell you all about it.
Sunday morning, we are going to church. We are blessed with a wonderful church family, and on this Sunday, we are honoured to be able to help with the serving of Communion. While this may not mean much to some of you, it does to me, and I know it will go a long way toward helping me over this life bump-in-the-road. We’ll have to talk more about that faith thing as the days of school wind down and the days of freedom loom excitingly ahead.
For now, good night. Marking calls.