What’s it all about anyway…

So several missed days, and for a bit, I beat myself up about that.  Just for a bit.  I guess I have been questioning the whole exercise.  My friends are really supportive of the endeavour, but I am really struggling with it.  Yesterday I remembered that I first started the thing as a way of working through some of the issues around my health and my perceptions and definitions of self.  That purpose seems to have gotten lost in the process.  Granted, I have been going through some crappy times, but…

I really want to do the blog for two reasons.  Well, maybe three.  The third, and least important as I now look at it, is the whole transformation thing.  The second is to get me to sit down and write every day.  I still want to write the great Canadian mystery novel, but I am so undisciplined in my writing habits that it will never happen.  The blog, if I do it every day, can help me establish the pattern.  Hopefully, it will be like a good exercise program; it’s hard to get started but once you’re into it, you miss it if you don’t do it.  The first,and most important reason, and the one I seem to have lost track of, is that I want to have fun exploring who I am and who I can become.

So far, the problem has been that I take myself far too seriously.  I need to goof around more, to really enjoy this thing.  Sure, there will be days when I am overwhelmed by things and revert to the sad and confused character I used to be.  You know the one.  She can’t think or talk about anything other than her health or her financial circumstances.  It’s taken a while, but I think I have to come accept that both of them are what they are, and I should really make the most of the opportunities they provide.  This is going be the time of my life!!
So expect some silliness. Some bad jokes or transcripts of some of the stream of unconsciousness conversations that Doug and I have. We blame them on our mutual lack of hearing but I think it’s more that we are both slightly mad. I’m sure you have responded to something you thought you heard and discovered that your response was totally out to lunch. We do that regularly. We often laugh until we cry. Literally.
I honestly believe that if I do take myself less seriously, I will learn a great deal more about who I am. So I want to try it. And when I regress, please say something. It may be very easy for me to do the woe-is-me thing on some days when the clouds hide the sun. Like today, for example, which marks the end of the second week on the first level increase of my meds with no appreciable improvement in the pain, numbness and tingling in my right hand. Thankfully, I am less zonky and dizzy than I was last week.
Now, I must return to my marking. Hopefully the change in activity will get the hand to settle down. After all, it would be unfair to the kiddies to mark their statistics exams when I am grumpy. They need me to be in a very good mood!
Prepare to enjoy this blog. Prepare to see a different side of gail.

Hang in there, friends.

3 thoughts on “What’s it all about anyway…

  1. Hey Gail, very thoughtful post.
    I Think we all take ourselves too seriously one way or another. We fool ourselves that what we do is really important somehow. I believe this delusion is often heightened through our professional lives as managers, teachers, professionals, etc. We become afraid to let our proverbial hair down. It’s great to hear that you’re gonna challenge yourself in this regard. You are who you are, and the whole world needs to know you as such. So good luck, and I have an idea for you. Try swearing a little! In the right dose it can be very liberating! 🙂

  2. I love, love, love tonight’s post. I love the laughing to tears about misheard things being said. Those are the best moments of life where we let go and have a really hard laugh at ourselves. I look forward to reading more from a liberated Gail!


  3. Did you hear the one about the attack spider and his fondness for gerbils with orange sauce?

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